How I Overcame Depression

And How You Can Too.

3 years ago from today, I physically could not get out of bed. The only that would immediately flood my mind upon waking up was – I wish I did not have to be alive.

This is the harsh reality of someone living with depression. If you do not take care of it early on, it just. gets. worse. At this moment in time, I was triggered by my divorce. Raised a catholic, divorce was never an option for me therefore I was not mentally prepared for that situation.

*Side note: to friends that are parents – this is why I urge you to have faith in your children’s decision making skills and to set good examples for them so that when the time comes (teenage years and so forth) – you can allow them to explore your religion (or others) without fear of what the outcome will be! Sometimes too much pressure (unintentional or intentional) can steer them the wrong way! – I will be writing a separate blog post on this soon).

It crept in slowly, as it always does. First it was just uncontrollable, intrusive, negative thoughts. Thoughts that were so mean and provocative that sometimes I would burst them out loud, lacking in self-control. Then I lost my appetite which caused me to lose 10 pounds in one month! I had always been the same weight since I was 12 years of age so I knew something was off then. I did not have energy to do my normal, daily habits. Everything required a lot of effort from me.

I kept trying to get myself out of that rut. I wanted to heal myself. The problem with depression is that your brain caused it in the first place! How can YOUR BRAIN  get you out of it on its own? If your brain were healthy, you would not be in that situation. If a plant is dying, how can it heal itself? It needs water, and sunlight! It needs external resources.

 At that time, I was not aware that depression is a chemical imbalance due to a deficiency of serotonin, the brain neurotransmitter that stabilizes our mood. People that have normal levels of serotonin can also feel sad from time to time BUT… they don’t stay stuck in their sadness.

That is a major sign to look out for – if someone is sad for several days or weeks on end – there is something more going on that needs to be looked into.

Finally, after a few weeks, my parents and my best friends noticed the mental state that I was in. Each one of them suggested that I seek a therapist. I kept saying “I’m not crazy, I am just sad!” and “I don’t need to see a psychologist!” all the while, I kept getting worse! I could not focus at work and I would cry easily throughout the day. I was not even able to properly take care of my daughter!

One day, I finally said ENOUGH. I need help. Admitting that I had a problem was the first and ultimate step towards healing. Unfortunately, I had let depression run rampant for so long (since I was 15 years old) that at that point, it was such an effort to even schedule a meeting. I mean it was physically exhausting, almost like lifting weights. Even dialing the numbers on the phone was hard.

I skipped my first appointment because I thought it was worthless. Thankfully though, my therapist was and is an amazing woman and she called me with her calm, understanding, and yet assertive ways and rescheduled another appointment.

My First Appointment

It did not take my therapist long to notice that I needed to see a psychiatrist as well. I could not even speak without crying. Worst of all, I did not even know what I was crying about! I was just so used to being said that anything I talked about made me cry! Lol. She said I may need the help of a psychiatrist and boy, was she right! The MINUTE I started my medication, was the beginning of my life turning around.

I’m not saying medication is for everyone and that everyone probably needs to see a psychiatrist as well. There are several other ways to heal naturally for example by changing your diet, taking certain supplements, or even just practicing mindfulness. But in my case, since it was so severe, it was the way to go.

After about a month on medication and seeing my therapist regularly – I had already gained back 15 pounds and was beginning to look, feel, and think healthier again. What I learned about therapy is that:

1. You need to make sure you have good therapist for YOU:  some of my preferences include being a female, and being non-judgmental but for you those preferences can be completely different. If you’re a male, maybe you’d prefer a male therapist or someone with a specialty and experience in your case. There are some bad therapists out there that can potentially ruin people’s experiences and paths towards healing so if you feel ANY negative vibe, it is perfectly okay (necessary, actually) to see someone else.
2. They are professionals. It one thing to vent to your mother, your best friend, or your pet. One cares about you but might offer biased opinions that you may not agree with or advice that you just plainly do not want to follow! Your pet, well, they cannot really say anything can they!?  These therapists went to school for this and are used to helping people going through the very same situation that you are in. They have learned a set of tools (strategies, techniques, and verbal & nonverbal communication) that allows people to get UNSTUCK, change their perception of reality, and learn new ways of thinking.

After 3 months of therapy I was completely healed and not only that – I felt emotionally balanced for the first time in 15 years. It has been 3 years since then and I can honestly say that it was the hardest but also the BEST step I ever took in my life. Initially I was ashamed of being diagnosed with depression. But now that I have overcome it, I want to help as many people as I can that are silently struggling. I KNOW how hard it is to make that first step. I know what it is like to pretend like everything is alright. Sometimes, when you try to act like you’re fine; the symptoms will start to show in other areas of your life! Such as through rebellious behavior, impulsive tendencies, addictions, and so on!

If you or someone you know is suffering from any of the symptoms I have mentioned above – I’m telling right now – don’t wait for an extreme situation to occur like I did in order to start seeking help. Do it now. Do it today. Break it into small steps if it seems like too much effort. I guarantee you – it will be worth it. I remember feeling like my life was over back then, but now I laugh at those silly thoughts because so many amazing things have happened since then! I know that there is so much more to experience as well! I am so thankful I did not allow depression to keep from living the life I deserve!

Thanks for reading about my recovery story, friend! Let’s be the best, healthiest, and happiest versions of ourselves with our time here on earth.